Last night I dreamt this : 

It’s 4pm on Saturday… I’ve been tailgating for a couple of hours outside the hideously small Tech stadium… somewhat sad I won’t be going to watch the game, but enough brewski’s down the drain to not care too much. Anyways, Erik and I approach the area where the teams unload as the buses pull up. The Tech team gets off the buses to a loud applause from the idiots in lubbock, but as the Texas pulls up the atmosphere gets decidedly uglier.

More than your normal boos, the lubbock faithful are degenerates yelling all sorts of phrases that I can’t repeat on this blog . Then Colt McCoy jumps off the bus, to the applause of the few Texas fans who could weasle their way to the front (I am one of them). It’s at this time some crazy lunatic fan from tech jumps out into the opening past the security wielding a knife lunging towards Colt. Those brewski’s I mentioned earlier kick in and I duck under the outstretched arms of the cop holding the crowd back, take two strong steps and leap off my  feet in a full on dive at the intruder. More than just hit him, I level him, put him in the air and disorient him enough to get away the knife. 

Will Muschamp picks me up off my feet and says nice hit and then Colt comes to say his thanks for saving his life. Apparently I got cut in the ruckus and need stitches. The thankful coaches get the trainers to do it for me so I go with the team to the locker room the whole team being thanked by various members of the team. Even Orakpo looks stunned by the quality of the hit…

So I get to hang with the team for a couple hours and Mack comes up to me and says I should be on the sideline for the game as some sort of good luck charm but that they don’t have any more sideline passes so I’m gonna have to wear a uniform and sit on the bench. This is terrible terrible news for me, but I reluctantly go along with it, it being the greatest moment of my life. I go all out with the uniform, pads, everything.

Texas is down at half. Graham Harrell is just too good and our defense is getting its secondary destroyed. We have lost two safeties already and there isn’t anyone left besides redshirts. Its a 21 point hole and the team is dejected. Coming out into the 2nd half no one thinks a win is possible. It’s then that Muschamp pulls me aside. He says “Can you recreate that hit from earlier?”…..

I then go on to rack up 4 sacks, and force a fumble that Orakpo runs in for a touchdown. After the last sack, the one that ends the game with a Texas victory, the Tech fans aren’t even mad because they have just seen the greatest athletic performance of all time, I receive a standing ovation.

And then I woke up to my dog licking my face.